I know you’re there behind me but I ain’t moving til the road is clear, got that? So why the hell do you beep your horn at me just because I won’t do a suicidal manoeuvre?

These are the questions I ask everyday while waiting to turn into a busy road or pull onto a roundabout here the Gulf. If you don’t go within 10 seconds, road clear or not, some twat behind you will start beeping their horn.

There’s a wonderful hand gesture in Arabic called the ‘Shway Shway’. It involves putting all your fingers together as if you were holding a small flower. This means wait, hold on, don’t be impatience. Inshallah I will move.

They love their horns in this part of the world. Car suddenly stopped in front? Go for the brake? Nah, go for the horn first. Traffic jam? The horn will clear it up in no time. The horn can dissolve traffic.

Here’s some great Middle Eastern horniness from Iraq. It’s incredible how they don’t crash into each other. Maybe its the horns…

That famous ‘goat grab’ sketch. Dawn French has got the Dubai Wife down to a fine art. I know so many clones of this woman.

I’m the wife of a badly paid academic working in the Arabian/Persian Gulf. How did we end up here? Well in a nutshell it goes like this:

2001: Desert Mermaid is working in a high pressure, professional job in London. Her husband is offered a a faculty position in the Gulf. It’s tax free, well paid, housing and school fees included. Sunshine. Joy. Where’s my passport?

2002: The Mermaid waves goodbye to her job and leaves for pastures less green. It’s all looking good so far…

2003: O-oh. The value of the US dollar continues to drop. Mermaid’s husband is paid in dollars. Sterling to US exchange rate getting worse every day. Inflations hits the Gulf. Mermaid goes out to work as a teacher in a local school for a pittance of a salary. Why? Supply and demand. There are lots of similar women to DM who want a job so why pay more?

2007: Mermaid Husband applies to get out of the Gulf, it’s a sand trap and we’re not making any money. It appears that getting out of here isn’t so easy after all. Working in a Gulf University has done no favours for Hubbie’s CV. September sees us in another Gulf country and another Gulf University.

2008: I’m pregnant with our third child at the moment so it’s not all bad news! Read about how Desert Mermaid grapples with rising inflation, sky high school fees and expensive food shopping trips while her husband continues to be badly paid. Read and weep when she describes her fellow expat ladies, hubbies on huge salaries and generous packages, lives revolving around parties, pool BBQs and trips to the Maldives. And they still manage to save money. WOW!

I’m back again working for even worse money but at least it pays the school fees!!

Finally, if you like the header artwork, go over to Mahirates website on Deviant Art and buy a copy. Maybe she won’t hate me so much for using her work on my blog if you do.